Seasons & episodes
S2 · E3Tentacles of Doom 1996-03-21 · 24 min
The Holy Stone of Clonrichert is to be upgraded to a class 2 relic, and unfortunately this entails three Bishops visiting the island - Father Jack must be housetrained quickly. Only one of the bishops dies - Ted therefore considers this to have been a relatively successful visit.
S2 · E4Old Grey Whistle Theft 1996-03-29 · 24 min
Ted goes on a picnic, Mr Benson's whistle is stolen and Dougal learns an important lesson about true friendship. Ted narrowly avoids incriminating himself to save Dougal's worthless hide
S2 · E5A Song for Europe 1996-04-05 · 24 min
Fathers Ted and Dougal enter A Song For Europe with My Lovely Horse. The tune is stolen from the b-side of a Norwegian song that didn't even win A Song For Norway but the lyrics are all their own work. Somehow they get through to Eurovision and score.... nil points.
S2 · E6The Plague 1996-04-12 · 24 min
Rabbit-phobic Bishop Brennan pays a visit to investigate reports of Father Jack sleepwalking naked. Unfortunately Dougal has overrun the house with rabbits, and a Terry & June-style farce ensues as Ted and Dougal attempt to keep Father Jack in bed, and the ever-multiplying rabbits away from the bishop.
S2 · E7Rock a Hula Ted 1996-04-19 · 24 min
Ted is asked to judge the 'Lovely Girls' competition while Dougal is left in charge of the house. Father Jack is mistaken for Bob Geldof and Dougal manages to give the house away to a feminist rock star called Niamh Connolly. Ted has to get the house back, but how will this affect his dinner plans with the winner of the 'Lovely Girls' competition?
S2 · E8Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading 1996-04-26 · 24 min
Ted and co. enter a giving-things-up-for-Lent contest and soon discover that abstinence is easier preached than done. Father Jack sobers up for the first time in years, but Dougal and Ted find their resolve wavering. To strengthen their vows Ted calls in a nun to supervise them. She turns out to be a sadist of the first water, and the results are inevitable.
S2 · E9New Jack City 1996-05-03 · 24 min
After discovering Father Jack is suffering yet again(!) from "hairy hand syndrome," Ted is delighted to send Jack, by "doctor's orders," to St. Clabberts Old Folks Home (otherwise known as 'Jurassic Park'). Unfortunately, Jack's replacement happens to be one of the nastiest priests ever - Father Fintan Stack. Along with his disregard for the church, Stack has a rather irritating habit of playing jungle music loudly at 3 o'clock in the morning, and a plan is hatched to get Jack back to sort out Stack.
S2 · E10Flight Into Terror 1996-05-10 · 24 min
Ted and co. end up crammed in an aeroplane along with every other priest who has appeared in their lives after a visit to the Shrine of Kinlettle. In a usual fit of stupidity, Dougal manages to empty the fuel tanks on the plane. To make matters worse, there are only two parachutes, so Ted devises a way for the priests to compete for the parachutes. Unfortunately, Jack has other plans.
S3 · E1Are You Right There Father Ted? 1998-03-15 · 24 min
Ted finally escapes to a new posting at Castlelawn Parochial House, Dublin, with civilised company and frequent jaunts to Paris. Unfortunately a slight misunderstanding over some expenses sends Ted back to his old compadres on the island. After a spot of lads' housecleaning results in Ted being mistakenly tarred as a racist, Ted holds a celebration of Chinese culture to clear his name - though 'Kung Fu Fighting' may not have been an inspired choice of soundtrack. Just when it looks like a happy ending might be in store, a mix-up over some soft furnishings and Nazi memorabilia leaves the Chinese community with a sweet 'n' sour taste in the mouth.
S3 · E2Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep 1998-03-20 · 24 min
Ted gets mixed up in a web of intrigue and double-cross when he bets the Parochial House heating budget on Chris, the burping sheep. The lads bring Chris to stay at the house in an attempt to improve his chances at 'King of the Sheep 98', but can Ted quell his burping in time for the great day?
S3 · E3Speed 3 1998-03-27 · 24 min
Ted and Dougal turn detective to discover who's behind the bumper crop of hairy babies on Craggy Island. However when justice is done on the culprit he takes a terrible revenge. Dougal's moonlighting stint as island milkman is marred by a bomb set to go off if the milk float drops below 4mph. Does 'The Poseidon Adventure' hold the key to his rescue, or would Father Jack's pet brick come in more useful?
S3 · E4The Mainland 1998-04-03 · 24 min
A perfectly routine trip to the mainland results in Dougal almost dying from malnutrition, Mrs Doyle being chucked in the clink, Ted nearly being beaten up by Victor Meldrew, and Father Jack joining Alcoholics Anonymous. A chance encounter with old friends Noel Furlong and the St. Luke's Youth Group in some spooky caves spells spelaeological trouble for our heroes.
S3 · E5Escape from Victory 1998-04-10 · 24 min
It's the All-Priests Over-75s Five-A-Side Football challenge, and disaster looms when Ted's star player is nobbled by a bottle of Dreamy-Sleepy Nighty Snoozy-Snooze. Fortunately a pair of fake rubber arms and a remote-controlled wheelchair put our lads in with a chance of beating Dick Byrne this year. As long as they can fool the referee...
S3 · E6Kicking Bishop Brennan up the Arse 1998-04-17 · 24 min
A lost bet with Dick Byrne means Ted has to kick Bishop Brennan up the arse. On cue, Len arrives with PA Father Jessup, the world's most sarcastic priest. Elaborate preparations, a camera, a skirting board, a set of watercolours and some psychological warfare on Ted's part ensure a successful outcome. Or do they?
S3 · E7Night of the Nearly Dead 1998-04-24 · 24 min
Jumper-wearing pop sensation Eoin McLove comes to visit. Unfortunately his presence leads hundreds of infatuated middle-aged ladies to surround the house, and the usual hilarious mix-ups ensue. But McLove's easy-going stage persona masks a terrible secret.
S3 · E8Going to America 1998-05-01 · 26 min
Ted performs a genuinely unselfish act, and is rewarded with the offer of a parish in California - his wildest dreams come true. However, parting from his long-time companions at the Parochial House proves tricky. Unless Ted can break the news of his departure tactfully to Dougal, Jack and Mrs Doyle, he won't be going to America...