Seasons & episodes

Jethro joins the army reserve & Granny makes him wear her Grandpappy's uniform. When he arrives the sergeant thinks he's an extra in a civil war movie. The Colonel tells him to come back on Monday. Jethro overhears the Colonel talking to an actor dressed as General Grant. He thinks the Yankee's are fixin'to fight with the south again. Jethro tells Granny the news & Granny dresses as a southern belle to spy on Gen.Grant & get information on when the attack will be. Granny learns that Grant is going to attack the Culpepper plantation & hurries off to warn them.

Granny is preparing for the battle of the Culpepper plantation. General Grant arrives with a hangover. Mr Drysdale dresses as a southern General & Miss Jane is his private. When the Clampetts arrive the battle has started already. as General Grant comes riding down the hill on his horse, Granny takes aim & shoots him off its back. He gets up & she shoots him off again.! He manages to make it to the porch & Granny can't forget her doctorin' so she gives him first aid from her jug. (The Clampett's are still unaware that this is a civil war movie and not the real General Grant.)

Granny wants an apology from General Grant for attacking the Culpepper plantation. Colonel Blake wants Jethro for the army reserve but he has to take a written test first. After Jethro takes the oath, he sees General Grant & Colonel Blake talking. He hears General Grant say he's going to attack the plantation again. Jethro tells Granny & she goes & shoots him off his horse again.!!

Dash Riprock's new TV show ""Batchelor Sherriff Knows Best"" needs a new co-star. Jethro hopes he'll get the part. Mr Chapman the studio manager & Von Schlepper the director want Elly's chimp 'Cousin Bessie' to play the part. So Jethro becomes her agent.

Mrs Drysdale has purchased 'Ecstasy' a $2500 art sculpture. It was delivered to the Clampett's mansion by mistake. Mrs Drysdale runs over & tells the delivery man he's made a mistake & to take it next door. The Clampetts think 'Ecstasy' is a pile of junk & Granny says she could paint a picture that would win 1st prize in any art show. When Granny finished her painting, Bessie painted over it. Jed & Jethro went to the art gallery where they met A.Allen Allen. He thought they were gardeners come to work at his home, so he sent them to mow the lawns & trim the hedges. Later they returned & saw a painting like Bessie's in the gallery & bought a Rembrandt for the Mansion. Granny & Elly fixed up 'Ecstasy' with mud to make it look like a statue. When A.Allen Allen arrived he saw Bessie's painting & paid top dollar for it.

Dash wants to marry Elly, Elly doesn't want to marry Dash. Granny and Elly want Dash to turn his attention to Miss Jane. Granny invites Dash for dinner & Elly dresses real ordinary.They hope Miss Jane will be dressed nicer than Elly so Dash will ignore Elly, But Miss Jane arrives dressed even plainer. Elly borrows a wig & looks unatractive & Dash is ""turned off"". So Dash & Miss Jane go to a premiere together.

Jed feels guilty about Granny having to clean the mansion all by herself. He tells Mr Drysdale, who says he'll find him a housekeeper so Granny can rest. Jed told him he would have a hard time convincing Granny to let someone else do her chores. Mr Drysdale told him he'd convince her. Mr Drysdale found a 'cheap' housekeeper named Mrs Meek. when he managed to convince Granny to give her a try Mrs Meek turned into the ""housekeeper from hell."" Eventually Miss Jane found Mrs Meek a job as a prison guard & Granny was happy to go back to her chores.

Jed wants Jethro to open up a business. Jethro decides he wants to be a fry cook & open up a restaurant. Jed tells Mr Drysdale about Jethro's plan to be a fry cook and Mr Drysdale finds a run down old diner that he rents for $35 a week. Jethro fixes up the place & names it the Happy Gizzard. When Jethro's first customer comes in (a young woman)She leaves after Jethro couldn't cook her a hamburger. Granny arrives to save the day & agrees to cook for Jethro.

The Happy Gizzard isn't doing so well. Jethro realises what's missing, 'topless' waitresses .! He hires Elly as his waitress & tells her to take off her hat because this place is topless.! Mr Drysdale is sweet talking a prospective new depositor, Mr & Mrs Vanderpont. Unfortunately for Mr Drysdale Jethro ruins his plans & the Vanderponts leave. Miss Jane tells the Clampetts what topless really means. The Vanderponts return & Jed gives them some of Granny's ""white lightnin'"". He then invites them to the Happy Gizzard & Mr Vanderpont likes it so much he buys it off them.

Granny is homesick for snow, she wants to go home to Bugtussle. Mr Drysdale doesn't want them to leave, He turns up the air-conditioning in the mansion & borrows a snow machine from the movie studio to make it snow (plastic snow)at the Clampett's place. He pretends there's a raging snowstorm & tells the Clampetts not to go outside, Miss Jane & He will bring them food. After making there way through the 'Blizzard' Elly goes out the back door & finds a stuffed wolf she thinks is 'plum froze'. Jethro wants to have some snow ice cream & goes outside with a bowl & spoon. Jed realises what's going on when he goes outside & it's warm. Mr Drysdale confesses and when Granny offers him some snow ice cream they leave in a hurry.

Granny & Mrs Drysdale have a 'scrap' & Jed's ashamed of Granny for fightin' with the neighbour. Jethro says that in Beverly Hills everyone rassles, he's seen it on T.V. The Clampett's gather around the T.V. to watch the Boston strong girl battle it out with sweet lil ol' Rebecca who only rassles to earn money so her parents won't be evicted from their farm. Granny wants Jethro to take her to the wrestling centre. They're standing at ringside when the Boston strong girl is beatin' up on sweet lil Rebecca. Granny can't take it any more & climbs in to the ring & beats up the Boston strong girl.

Rebecca & her Manager come to the Clampett's place. The Manager wants a rematch between Granny & the Boston strong girl. Granny says no. Jed offers to pay Rebecca's parents mortgage & writes them a cheque. Rebecca & Manager want to cash cheque but instead bring Rebecca's parents to meet the Clampetts. Rebecca's Manager convinces Granny to fight with the Boston strong girls parents in a tag team match & Granny beats them all single handed.

Granny wants Jed to propose marriage to Miss Jane. He says no, so she asks Jethro. Jethro is going to ask but meets Ilsa on the way & forgets all about it. Granny tells him to invite Miss Jane to dinner at a fancy restaurant where he can ask her then. Granny & Elly sit at the next booth where they can hear what's happening & coach Jethro when needed. Jethro asks, Miss Jane accepts & Jethro runs. Later Miss Jane reluctantly turns down his proposal.

Miss Jane & Jethro attend a violin recital.(Jethro sleeps through most of it) Miss Jane suggests Jethro takes violin lessons. Maestro Stromboli arrives to teach Jethro to play,but Jed & Granny think its he who should take lessons. Jethro buys a fiddle from a pawn shop & asks Stromboli how much he paid for his. Stromboli tells him the high priced amount & Jethro tells him he thinks he got taken. Stromboli's annoyed with Jethro "" This is a Stradavarious...Ignoramus."" Jed invites Fiddlin' Sam Dingle to teach Stromboli how to play 'turkey in the straw' & they have a Ho Down.

Granny thinks her favourite T.V. soap opera is real. She invites the star to the Mansion because on the show he was sick & she wanted to Doctor him. When she thinks she's cured him off he goes back to work. Next day Granny sees him sick on T.V. again,so this time asks Jethro to take her to the T.V. studio because something there must be making him sick. When they arrive He's in the operating theatre & Granny takes him home so he'll get better under her care.

Granny threatens to leave unless Elly gets rid of her menagerie.

Supernatural shenanigans spook the Clampetts.

Mr Drysdale wants to make a commercial starring the Clampetts as lazy hillbillies wasting their lives at the beginning, to successful contributors to society at the end. He dresses as SuperBanker & they recite to the camera how worthless their existence was before SuperBanker changed things for them.

Cousin Roy arrives & wants to open a Hollywood branch of Mother Mabel's elixir. Granny doesn't want her old rival Mabel to be sucessful at her expense, so Granny & Jethro set up a stall on the sidewalk to sell Granny's elixir. That is until a cop arrests them for operating a stall without a permit. Mr Drysdale flys Mother Myrtle out to Beverly Hills & just as Jethro & Granny arrive home, she sees Myrtle & runs into the house for her gun.

Mr Drysdale congratulates the Clampetts for reaching the sum of $80,000,000 in his bank. Jethro tells Jed he heard on the radio that the Queen Elizabeth was sold to Philadelphia. Jed rings Faversham in London & he confirms this. Says they sold both Queens to the U.S. (However he meant the Ocean Liners,Queen Mary & Queen Elizabeth.Not the people.) Jed thinks that the Queen must be having money trouble & wants to help. He wants to withdraw his money & give it to the Queen. He's sure Mr Drysdale won't mind,it must be a worry for him looking after all that money. When Mr Drysdale hears about this he hires an actor to play the Queen's Minister of Finance to accept the money & give it back to Mr Drysdale. But things don't go the way Mr Drysdale planned, When the actor found out Jed was rich,he sold him Canada & gave him the deed to take to the Queen herself.

The Clampetts are flying to London to give the Queen the deed to Canada. Jethro smuggles Elly's buzzard on board in a bag & tells Mr Drysdale who wants to look at it. In the toilet Mr Drysdale opens the bag to have a look & the buzzard almost escapes. Mr Drysdale returns to his seat next to Jethro with feathers in his hair & flapping his arms like a bird. Granny sees this and thinks He has Goose Fever. When the Clampetts are driving through town,people are pointing at them. Granny says news has spread how they chickened out of the war of the roses last time they were in England. When they arrive at the castle Colonel Dumbarton next door fires off his sunset canon & lowers the Union Jack flag. Granny thinks he's startin'the war of the roses all over again.!

Jethro challengers next door to the war of the roses, Colonel Dumbarton accepts & they commence to joust. Jed wants to go to see the Queen & give her the deed to Canada. Mr Drysdale convinces him to stay & says he'll bring the Queen to Him. Mr Drysdale dresses Miss Jane as Queen Elizabeth the 1st & accepts the deed. Jethro is Knighted as well.

Jethro spies Col.Dumbarton's neice through his telescope.When he tells Jed to look through it Jed sees her brother & thinks it's her 'cause he (she) is wearing a dress.(scottish kilt) Jethro is in love,he wants to marry her. Granny doesn't want Jethro to marry a big ugly girl like that & eventually gets her wish.

Mr Drysdale wants to go home,but the Clampetts aren't ready to go yet. Faversham tells him about the Ghost of Clampett castle. Mr Drysdale thinks this will scare the Clampetts & they'll want to go home. Mr Drysdale tells them the story & Jethro wants to hold a seance to contact the ghost. Mr Drysdale dresses as a ghost & almost has them packing their bags until Granny shoots the 'ghost'with her shotgun & he goes howling down the hall. On the trip home Mr Drysdale has to stand all the way 'cause he can't sit down.!