Seasons & episodes

Actor Stephen Tobolowsky sits in; during Mailbag, we learn that Tony is Fidel Castro's estranged son; Jon Stewart tries to give Dave a human heart, and after Dave declines, Jon walks offstage and puts it back in a very annoyed Tony Randall.

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Dave shows a clip of the recent live television remake of Fail Safe to demonstrate how lax CBS is at preventing profanities from being heard on-air. Also, Jenna Elfman promotes Keeping the Faith.

Dave announces he's 41 today because he's not counting his 12 years at NBC; during a segment called ""Job Hunting Tips,"" a barbershop quartet sings intern Bob Dickerson's resume; Richard Simmons calls up Daddy to wish him a happy birthday, and Dave promptly hangs up on him.

Campaign 2000: Dave honors a bald audience member. Later, Biff hands out Broadway tickets to two couples in the audience.

Mick Taylor of the Rolling Stones sits in; with nothing to discuss, ""Campaign 2000"" lasts exactly six seconds; during Mailbag, Dave and Paul star in the new crime drama ""Good Cop, Good Cop.""

Paul says his 86-year-old father, Bernard Shaffer, had a quintuple bypass yesterday and later Bruce Kapler admits that his dad had a mere double bypass a year ago. Also, Dave stops the show to read the latest issue of Oprah's magazine.

After discussing Oprah's magazine on and off for the last few weeks, Dave announces that the first issue of ""D,"" the Dave magazine, has finally been rolled out. Also, Alan interrupts ""Campaign 2000"" to announce he's been reunited with his fat German son.

The INS captures and seizes Tony (twice); Purdue University basketball coach Gene Keady presents the Top Ten; The Smashing Pumpkins perform ""Blue Skies Bring Tears.""

The INS harasses Tony again; Rob Burnett appears live via satellite from LA for ""Campaign 2000""; Alan and his fat, gender-confused German son celebrate Take Your Daughters to Work Day.

During Mailbag, Alan admits to doing the deed with Janet Reno; production assistant Jeremy Weiner is subjected to Paul's favorite game, ""Staffer/Not a Staffer""; David Wells and Bernie Williams present the Top Ten.

Jimmy Webb and Glen Campbell sit in; Dave announces the blood test following last week's tick incident came out negative; in homage to a trend that sweeping various TV shows nowadays, ""Campaign 2000"" is shown in letterbox; independent film maker Mark Borchardt presents his interview with former Presidential candidate Gary Bauer.

Live via satellite, we go to Preston Luggage in Dallas for another lengthy chat with Al Cordova and his assistant Kathy. Also, during ""Campaign 2000,"" Maria Pope introduces Rob Burnett, who walks onstage to a standing ovation.

Dave honors ""Great Bald Men throughout History"" (him, Paul, and Dwight D. Eisenhower), while we watch the latest round of ""Biff Henderson's Fun with a Stopwatch.""

Julia Louis-Dreyfus sings a song from West Side Story, and Jerry Seinfeld shows up to ""sing"" with her. Also, Dave shows footage of a woman dropping a bowling ball on her husband's noggin.

Dave announces he was pulled over for speeding again, then kisses up to the New York State police; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Dave sings the praises of Tivo; ten jockeys present the Top Ten.

Apparently, Michelle O'Calaghan had another baby over the weekend; Dave says he's been called to jury duty, prompting a brief state of panic; during another ""What's New"" segment, Pat and Kenny attempt to recite Shakespeare; a morbidly obese man is introduced as the winning jockey of last weekend's Kentucky Derby.

Dave continues to comment on the jury duty situation; the outside cam heads for Joe G's to play ""Would You Like To Win a Phony Check for 350 Million Dollars?""; after three years of struggling, Rob Burnett finally shows footage of his daughters not being afraid of the Easter Bunny.

Dave shows a CNN clip and a newspaper article pertaining to the jury duty controversy; during ""Campaign 2000,"" Paul admits he had a nightmare involving Maria Pope; Caroline Rhea discusses relationships.

Kathie Lee Gifford discusses her pending departure from her talk show, then ""sings"" ""Love Never Fails.""

Rob and Dave go over the ground rules for Richard Simmons' latest visit tonight, including permission to use a fire extinguisher on Richard if needed; during Mailbag, Dave becomes pen-pals with viewer Tyler Gatlin; ten celebrity moms (including Gerard and Dorothy) present the Top Ten, though it wouldn't become a yearly tradition until 2002.

Peter Frampton fills in for Felicia Collins, who had a gig; Paul mentions that Anton is getting married over this coming weekend; Rob announces that Ed has officially been picked up for NBC's fall schedule.

Dave mangles the song ""Memory,"" while Rupert and Tony Randall are invited to ""Campaign 2000"" but have absolutely nothing worth saying.

Campaign 2000: Dave mentions the final episode of Beverly Hills, 90210, which proceeds into another one of Alan's crying jags.