Seasons & episodes

Dave shows a (bogus) clip of the upcoming Baby Bob spin-off "Baby Jacques," which is just like the original show except everybody speaks in a French accent; a proud tradition continues as a Hello Deli customer goes on a Easter meatball hunt; Alan apologizes for his comments toward Gwyneth Paltrow on last night's show, then inadvertently insults Uma Thurman.

Eric Burdon of The Animals sits in; during the "Odd Catalogs" segment, Dave displays an ad for a "Government-seized and repossessed hairpiece blowout"; the Hi-Ho girls deliver a birthday cake to Tony; Doris Kearns Goodwin addresses rumors of plagiarism.

Biff shows footage of him harassing New Yorkers with a bullhorn; the New York National Guard presents the Top Ten; Sevendust (featuring Paul) performs "Angel's Son."

Mailbag: Tony's apparent sexiness forces George Clarke to drown his sorrows in a bucket of chicken at KFC; Dave shows off a tattoo on his leg that he wishes he didn't have (the ABC logo); after learning that Alan makes more money than him, Tony meets George at KFC.

Acid jazz legend Herbie Hancock sits in on keyboards; Dave orders Steph/Monty to buy French fries; Marv Albert shows off another one of his blooper reels.

During the latest Celebrity X-Ray Challenge, Dave persuades Rupert to lip sync a song from Oklahoma!

After Dave notices that Alan bears a slight resemblance to Fred MacMurray, the announcer and a Barbara Stanwyck stand-in recreate a scene from Double Indemnity. Also, Patti Smith sings "Dancing Barefoot."

Biff introduces footage from his latest trip to Yankees Spring Training in Florida, while a fully-packed suitcase is subjected to "Will It Float?"

Will Lee stands in for Biff on pin duty, and for his troubles he receives the tradition gift of Samsonite® luggage; during Mailbag, two "girl scouts" (Harold Larkin and Mike McIntee) destroy Paul's office for being behind on his cookie payments; ten members of the Coast Guard present the Top Ten.

In honor of his departure from The Early Show; Dave shows footage of moving men with cardboard boxes superimposed over Bryant Gumbel talking in mid-broadcast; "Survivor: Marquesas" also-ran Gina Crews demonstrates her talent for spitting watermelon seeds; George Miller brags that his grandfather invented the handshake.

Dave models a hideous pair of glasses he found in his house; a woman from Portland, Oregon rides around in Al Norwood's 2001 Honda S2000; Dave tries to get Attorney General John Ashcroft to sing, but only does so during the commercial breaks.

After his reluctance to sing on last night's show, Dave is appalled to find US Attorney General John Ashcroft crooning "When The Eagles Soars" on TRL; Alan impersonates Fred MacMurray again; Sheryl Crow sings "Soak Up The Sun."

Dave receives another comedy class project from Miss Markey's Kindergarten class, while The Strokes perform "Take It or Leave It."

Dave receives an unexpected birthday greeting from Osama Bin Laden; CBS Mailbag is interrupted to that the Hi-Ho girls can bring out Daddy's cake; ten Air Force pilots present the Top Ten.

Dave mentions that he bumped his head over the weekend, then comments on the recent drought in NYC.

Dave mentions that Saddam Hussein's novel Zabibah and the King was been turned into a musical, and then shows a (bogus) promo for it's upcoming debut in Baghdad; seven-year-old billiards trick shot artist Landon Shuffett blows Dave away by shooting a row of thirteen balls into the corner pocket; Elvis Costello performs "Tear Off Your Own Head (It's A Doll Revolution)."

Dave mentions Paul's appearance on tonight's episode of Ed, and shortly afterwards Paul wears the fake mustache he had to wear for the role; Alan and the Barbara Stanwyck look-alike perform another scene from Double Indemnity; Bonnie Raitt sings "I Can't Help You Now."

Another "Incredible Dog Challenge" is postponed by rain; Dave wears his ugly red glasses again; Cee-Lo sings "Closet Freak."

Dave and Paul talk about wrestling in preparation of his interview with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. During CBS Mailbag, "Mayor Bloomberg" (Gerard) offers Dave some pot, and Alan Kalter promotes the video "Osama Gone Wild."

Dave shows various clips of Ted Danson looked scared/shocked from his recent miniseries Living With the Dead; Dave points out that the Late Show was chosen as the seventh greatest television program of all time; Paul Westerberg performs "Silent Film Star."

The Incredible Dog Challenge is finally held out on 53rd Street, and throughout the night three dogs compete through a series of hurdles and tubes.

An "Incredible Cat Challenge" is thwarted when George Clarke's cat won't go through the obstacle course; Kirsten Dunst promotes Spider-Man; after Angie Stone and the O'Jays perform "Wish I Didn't Miss You," the house band closes the show by performing "Love Train."

"Biff Henderson's America" visits the hamlet of Denver, Indiana; Dave comments on rumors that Bill Clinton may host a daytime talk show; Tobey Maguire does a really bad Rodney Dangerfield impression.

Mailbag: a letter about having your name mentioned on TV is somehow morphed into a request to see Alan getting the crap beat out of him. Later on in the segment, a letter about tornados has the same result, as an already bloodied Alan is further laid to waste. Also, Michael McIntee does a remote Top Ten from Central Park, while Jim Gaffigan discusses food and cleanliness.