Seasons & episodes

Dave shows a timeline of President Bush's vacation, while Al Pacino promotes the movie "Simone."

Biff pushes pins into a map right in front of the famous Hollywood sign in L.A.; Alan and his twin brother Rick appear on "American Idol"; upon hearing of a proposed talk show hosted by Bill Clinton on CBS, Dave shows a promo for NBC's "The Saddam Hussein Show."

"SNL" star Jimmy Fallon promotes the MTV Video Music Awards, which he's hosting.

Dave announces that tomorrow night Paul will be inducted into the National Black Sports and Entertainment Hall of Fame. Later, Chris Elliott and Dave reminiscense.

Dave forces Steph/Monty to ask John Travolta, "How can I get in touch with the other Sweathogs?"

Joe Perry of Aerosmith sits in with the band; Osama congratulates Dave for nine years at CBS; Jake Gyllenhall promotes "Moonlight Mile."

Biff Henderson ends his tour of the US during the "CBS Mailbag" segment (final stop: Mt. Rushmore) as Dave chats with "Dr. Steven Hatfill" (Gerard). Later, Dave welcomes "Jiminy Glick" star Martin Short.

Dave mentions that a street is being named after Paul in his hometown of Thunder Bay, Ontario. Later, Dave plays ""How Many Guys in Alien Suits Can Fit Into a Coffee Shop?""

Dave shows a promo for Al Jazzera's new show ""Afghani Idol;"" Dave calls Paul a half-wit, then apologizes several times; George Miller comments on frozen cryogenics and asks, ""What if the person froze to death?""

Steph/Monty is on the roof with binoculars, looking for Bon Jovi performing in Times Square. Later, another one of Dave's assistants applies sunscreen on our weary voyeur.

During CBS Mailbag, a viewer asks how Biff chose where to go during his summer tour. Biff responds by thanking ""Rand"" and ""McNally,"" who turn out to be a couple of much younger women that he's sleeping with.

Dave shows a (supposed) clip from the hit movie ""SwimFan,"" then chats with Stephanie about the US Open.

Dave introduces the man that supposedly punched David Wells; Rupert's Paul Shaffer sandwich beats Europa Cafe's basil chicken sandwich in a taste contest; ""Dr."" Bill DeLace addresses the West Nile Virus.

Dave reflects on a certain one-year anniversary, then chats with his former monologue punching bag, President Bill Clinton.

Dave announces the show can no longer be seen in Mexico City; Dave introduces Network Time Killers such as ""Korean Soap Opera Clip of the Night"" and ""Anton Fig's Beret of Mystery""; a dry wall joint sealer is tonight's mystery gadget on ""What the Hell Is It?""

Dave announces that any cell phones that go off during the taping will be smashed with a hammer; ""Dr. Phil"" (Gerard) tells Dave that he's deeply insane; Rich Hall comments on ""Hollywood's Nicest Couple.""

After watching Oprah win the Bob Hope Award at last night's Emmys; Dave demands to win it in 2003; Dave gives Barbara Gaines a kiss for her heartfelt speech at last night's ceremony (five-peat!); Biff visits the set of ""CSI: Miami.""

In observance of an incedent that occured at a White Sox-Royals game the previous week, two shirtless drunks beat the crap out of Alan. Later, a Civil War battle is awkwardly recreated on 53rd Street.

During the annual ""New for Fall"" segment, Alan's hair changes color. Later in the same segment, he is beaten up by Harvey Keitel.

Artiste Phillipe Petit walks on a metal cable 12 stories up and 120 feet long across Broadway.

Dave announces that he has ""nitrogen narcosis."" Later, during CBS Mailbag, Harold Larkin recalls his harrowing experience of being stuck in an elevator for three hours... with Regis!

Dave hollers about being the only person in the entire building who wasn't invited to a staff fondue party for Mary Barclay; billards champ Jeanette ""Black Widow"" Lee does a few trick shots; Patricia Heaton and Murray Walker promote their autobiographies.

Dave reminds the nation that he still definitely wants I-465 (the interstate around Indianapolis) named David Letterman Expressway, then announces that tomorrow he plans to offer the mayor of Indianapolis an enormous bribe to get the wheels turning. Later, Avril Lavigne sings ""SK8ER BOI.""

Biff celebrates his 56th birthday in grand style; Dave kills a bug on his desk; Dave chats with a nonogenarian weightlifter.