Seasons & episodes

Dave shows footage of Donald Rumsfeld unintentionally flipping the bird at a press conference, and later he chats with adolescent ""Bernie Mac Show"" star Jeremy Suarez.

After admitting that his medicine is making him bloated, Dave loosens his belt for all the world to see; during Biff's annual visit to Yankees Spring Training, he and Hideki Matsui recreate Abbott & Costello's ""Who's On First?"" routine; ten members of an Air Force base in Alaska present the Top Ten; Bo Diddley and the Debby Hastings Band performs ""Who Do You Love.""

Mailbag: ""Does Alan Kalter really have a twin?"" Dave points out that he does have a brother named Rick, but Alan interrupts with a chin rub. Apparently, Big Red recently discovered he has a twin sister, Denise. After catching up on lost time at a local restaurant, Alan and Denise go to his place and make out.

Dave shows a clip of Les Moonves on last night's episode of The Practice; Dave warns Steph/Monty to not ask the monkey question, but she does anyway; The Folksmen (stars of the film ""A Mighty Wind"") perform ""Old Joe's Place.""

Dave and Paul wonder openly what to ask Lisa Marie Presley, who is on the show tonight to promote her first solo album. Later in the show, she sings ""Lights Out.""

Dave reminds us that his 56th birthday was on Saturday, but he claims it was really his 34th and CBS aged him; Dave tells a funny story about George Miller's memorial service; ""Hootie Johnson"" presents Dave with a green Masters jacket.

Dave announces that the Late Show (and not CNN) has the legal rights to a screen caption that reads ""Showdown: Syria""; Tony Mendez gets scolded by Daddy for abbreviating ""Dr. Phil's Words of Wisdom"" to ""Dr. Phil's Words of W"" on a cue-card; a woman who lost her luggage at JFK Airport participates in the new Hello Deli game ""What's Your Problem?"" (and she loses).

Dave shows footage of chaos on the streets of Baghdad that bears that striking resemblance to West Side Story; a man balancing a burning bowling ball participates in ""Is This Anything?""; Todd Rundgren performs ""Hello, It's Me"" (a song he would perform on the show again later that year).

Dave congratulates cameraman Dave Dorsett on fifty years in the biz; during Mailbag, a viewer asks why Dave doesn't throw stuff off the roof anymore, resulting in a flashback where Paul and his office supplies are thrown onto 53rd Street; The Exies perform ""My Goddess.""

Due to today's weather, Dave raises the temperature inside the theater from 53 to 57 degrees; Dave comments on the Iraqi playing cards, then points out that Mickey Rooney is the 8 of diamonds; Jack Hanna brings two emus and an oryx (an African antelope) onstage.

Sam Moore sits in again; Carmen Rasmussen of ""American Idol"" presents the Top Ten; John Malkovich promotes his new clothing line.

An Iraqi Republican guard that bears more than a passing resemblance to a dazed Calvert walks by Dave right after the monologue; Dave attempts to make ""Wash it, gas it, give me the keys"" his new catchphrase; Lily Chin (the world's fastest crocheter) makes Dave half of a sweater; The Minus 5 and Wilco join together to perform ""The Town That Lost Its Groove Supply.""

Mailbag: ""Whatever happened to the bear that mauled Alan Kalter?"" According to VH1's Where Are They Now?, the bear was fired for stealing a monitor in 1999, but he rebounded and now works in middle management for Oglivy & Mather. Dave invites the bear in to take a bow, and he runs over towards Alan in a frightening pose, then backs off and walks offstage. Also, Pulitzer Prize winner Robert A. Caro presents the Top Ten.

Dave has Kentucky Derby announcer Dave Johnson on the phone so he can hear him say, ""…and down the stretch they come!""; the latest ""Rejected FDA Items"" include baloney playing cards; Don Rickles does stand-up.

Prompted by an audience member's request the week before, Pat, Steph/Monty, and a new employee throw stuff off the roof throughout the show for the first time since 1998; Dave meets Christy Smith, the first disabled contestant to appear on ""Survivor"" (she's hearing-impaired).

Dave shows off his regular coffee mug, then a mug given to him by Dr. Phil that's almost twice that size, then the new, even larger Late Show mug; during ""Stupid Human Tricks,"" a man puts pennies up his nose with his tongue; Kelly Clarkson sings ""Miss Independent.""

A staffer dressed as Nightcrawler from the ""X-Men"" movies tries to hail a cab, but ends up on a rickshaw; Joe Lieberman presents the Top Ten; Ziggy Marley performs ""True to Myself.""

During Mailbag, Biff answers yet another question about his headset by unsuccessfully attempting to seduce the author of the letter; ten celebrity moms (including Dorothy) present the Top Ten; Marilyn Manson discusses painting with watercolors and later hangs out in the green room with the mothers.

Dave shows a CBS promo for ""Saddam Week""; a box of fish sticks and a bottle of perfume are subjected to a rare ""Will It Float?"" doubleheader; Albert Brooks promotes Finding Nemo and pretends to complain about his woes.

A high school senior in Jersey decides on his prom tuxedo, and ends up choosing a powder blue leisure suit; during ""Stupid Pet Tricks,"" a pink poodle sorts out blocks of different shapes; Survivor: Amazon winner Jenna Morasca is interrogated on all fronts, with burning questions from Dave, Paul, Rupert, and Monty.

Dave reads the new disclaimer on the New York Times (""Not all articles are factual""); Chief Warrant Officers David Williams and Ronald Young, Jr. tell their incredible story of survival as Iraqi POWs; Jada Pinkett Smith promotes The Matrix Reloaded.

Biff walks the streets of New York City looking for celebrities, or, for that matter, celebrity lookalikes; during a cooking segment with Eric Ripert, Dave slings back a bottle of Jack Daniels; Avril Lavigne performs ""Losing Grip.""

Dave hypes some of the new shows that will be appearing on the networks this fall; Rupert Jee lets off a little steam on ""CBS Mailbag;"" Jack Johnson performs ""The Horizon Has Been Defeated.""

John Goodman discusses his ""promotion"" to President on The West Wing; Johnny Knoxville delivers Paul's cape; Nas and Alicia Keys perform ""Warrior Song.""