Seasons & episodes

Nell hosts another one of her PORKO meetings at the house, where the head of the weight loss group shows up. When he arrives, the members of the group mock him for gaining all the weight he lose back. He tells them he is sorry and leaves. Shortly after Nell gets a phone call from him and realizes he is about to jump from the 13th floor of his hotel. Nell and the other members go to the hotel and get in the elevator but it stalls due to everyone insdie of it together. The elevator then safetly makes it's way back to the bottom floor as Nell takes the stairs and the PORKO members take the elevator. In the end, Nell talks the Dr. out of jumping off the balcony and everyone agrees to lose 2 pounds a week and stay on their diets.

The Chief goes on a stakeout with two officers where they are on lookout for an old-lady targeter. One of the officers dresses up as a woman and stays out in the streets, while the Chief and the other officer wait inside listening to the sounds on the recorder. The Chief cracks a few jokes with the officer about gay people and the officer is offended by this. He then tells the Chief that he himself is gay. The Chief says that he knows it's not going to be easy for the officer to be known as a man who has ""come out"". In the end, the Chief is stuck in the bathroom when the other officer hears that the targeter has struck. He runs to stop the targeter and is wounded. The Chief finally is able to see that he is not a bad man after all.

Julie invites a handsome boy at school to come over to stud with her, but he falls for Katie, and the two go out. When Katie comes home, Julie and her have it out in a hilarious catfight of sister versus sister. In the end, Katie finds out that the boy knew Julie was Katies sister and wanted to go over the house so he would get a date with her. Katie and Julie final make up when Katie tells Julie what the boy told her.

Nell is out of town at her cousin's funeral as Simpson storms into the house and says that the Cheif was shot but is alright. The Cheif is mad at Simpson because he accidently shot him in his office when he showed a fellow officer his secret moves with his gun. As he shows the family how he performs the moves, he accidently shoots the gun again and the bullet smashes into the fish tank, killing Gertrude the goldfish. Soon everyoen learns that the Cheif has an assasin against him as Simpson is interviewed on the news, telling everyone he saved him from being shot dead by his gun. Samantha becomes obsessed that God is taking too many people around her and begins to talk to him about why he takes people away. In the end, Sam talks to Grandpa and he tells her that she should enjoy life and take it slowly and not have to worry about death anymore. When Nell returns from her cousins funeral, Samantha fills her in on what happened while she was away and she cannot beleive it, as Simpson shoot

Angie tells Nell that she is going on a trip to Mexico with the money she made by selling vaccums. She urges Nell to attend a gathering where the operator of the sales talks about how rich everyone is getting off of the product. Nell then has a party at the house and invites people to it and demonstrates the amazo vac. However, it does not work the way she intended it to, and goes back to another meeting and tells everyone that the salesman is a fake after doing research on him.

Nell is woken up in the early hours of the morning by a neighbors barking dog. When the Cheif wakes up he sees that she is asleep at the kitchen table and she tells him why she didn't get enough sleep. He phones their neighbor to come over and have coffee and Nell tells her about her dog. She then leaves and Nell goes outside to throw his dog doo inside a bag and light it on fire as he bites her and she takes the neighbor and her dog to court. At court, the neighbor says that the dog never bit anyone before, and the case is dropped, until Simpson shows up and says the dig had bitten two people before and the case is open again, the lady is sued, and the dog will be put to sleep. However, Nell changes her mind and drops the case when she hears about the dog being put to sleep for what he did. The neighbor tells Nell that she will keep her dog inside at night from now on.

While playing the accordian at dinner, Uncle Ed falls I'll and feints into the fishtank while cooling off. He ends up in the hospital and when he wakes up he realizes that he needs to have a kidney transplant for not living a healthy life and a sibiling would be the best bet for a transplant. The Cheif talks with Ed and is worried about him and tells him he will do anything to help him get through this. Ed asks him if he'll donate his kidney to him and he agrees. Once the family hears this, Julie is against it, and slowly the rest of the family begins to get scared and they have thoughts on the Cheif dying. The CHeif tells Nell that if he does die in the operation that she can raise the girls and she will get the house. Before the operation, the girls and Nell join the Cheif in bed and have hot cocoa and are afraid that he may die. However, the operation is a success and everyone dances as Ed's doctor plays the accordian for the family.

The Chief finds a cigarrette in his sock and questions each of the girls about it. When he finds out that Samantha and Katie don't smoke, he tears through Julie's room and then appologizes when she tells him she would never smoke. However, she smokes when he leaves the room but he catches her. She then moves to Grandma and Grandpa's after he hits her and it's up to him to get her to come home. He tells her that years before he and Margaret were smokers and he quit and so did she, but went on and off until it was too late and she got lung canger and died. In the end, Julie realizes that is the reason why he slapped her and she agrees to come home and stop smoking.

When Mr. Swackhammer shows up to inform the Cheif about the female officer who posed nude, he rushes into work and tells her she is fired. Once the town and the country get a hold of what happened, they are against what the Cheif did. Even the girls and Nell don't like how he fired the officer. The police station begins to be mobbed by angry women who picket and are forced to leave, and Simpsons mother shows up and hits the Cheif with her pocket book. If that wasn't enough, Hamilton Storm shows up to do a cover story on how unfair the Cheif is, just as a mad bomber shows up and is about to blow up the whole place.

The man who has a bomb strapped to him tells Simpson he knows him from some place. He realizes that he's seen him before at the singles bar. They both talk about how they can never pick up women, and how Simpson likes a woman officer but he can't have the courage to tell her. The man decides at the last second to stop the bomb and tells Simpson he will look him up when he is done his time in jail. Simpson then confesses to the Cheif that he sent a picture of the officer from the Christmas party to the magazine and that is why they chose her to model in it. The Cheif decides to take back his compliment of telling Simpson he is a hero. The Mayor of Glenlawn who is about to be re-elected tells the Cheif to re-hire the officer or else he will fire him. The Cheif decides to go to a live telecast taping with the Mayor and decides to hire the officer back. Simpson finally has the courage to tell the officer he likes her and she decides to go out with him.

Aunt Blanche pays a visit to the Chief on his birthday and threatens to take custody of the girls after seeing what looks like Nell and the Chief doing an indecent act in the kitchen, when she really was doing the heimlick maneauver on him as he was choking on a piece of his sandwich. In court, Aunt Blanche breaks down, after Nell tells her that Blanche really doesn't want her to raise the girls because she is black. Blanche then decides to drop the suit in the end.

Nell tells about her singing past with a doo-wop girl group. Nell and her two friends years before she met the Kanisky's decide to audition to get called back by a famous celebrity. However, the man likes the other two girls, and refuse Nell to be part of the group. Nell knows that the girls are going to visit her and havent seen her in years, and in the end she finds out they are fat like her, and lost their singing careers after they gained weight.

At the dinner table, Grandpa insists that Eddie should marry Maxine, since they have been going together for six months, and she says that if he ever asked her she would agree. Due to this soft-fit proposal, he agrees to propose to her, and the two plan to marry. However, on their wedding day, Eddie locks himself in the bathroom, after he decides he needed time to think about all of this he is getting into. He tells Maxine that when he was thinking, he knew that he would rather be too old with her, then too old without her. She decides to take him back, and the two are finally married.

Grandpa hides a letter from Grandma and she beleives he is cheating on him. When she secretly takes the letter and reads it, she realizes that the apartment they live in is being converted into a condo and they need to come up with $60,000 or else they have to leave. Grandpa and Nell go to the bank and Grandpa is hard of hearing, as the man at the bank decides to decline him of the loan. Everyone mistakes him as a robber as he decides to turn off his hearing aid because he doesn't like the way the bank treats him. In the end, the police are called, and the Cheif tells the bank that his father and Nell would never do such a thing. Grandpa tells the man at the bank that he gave him the money when he was mistaken for a robber, but he wouldn't give it to an honest guy like him. The man gives him a waffle iron and appologizes for the way he treated him. In the end, the Cheif tells Grandpa and Grandma that they don't have to move since he made Simpson pose as a building inspector and found a

When Samantha reads Nell part of her essay she is doing on the Cheif for school, Nell tells her it would be a good idea to go to the police station and observe her father in his daily routine. When she gets there she observes several different scenarios. One scenario involves Mr. Swackhammer having a plumber arrested for stealing his toilet, which he claims flushes up and not down, since the plumber says he didn't pay for it after it was installed. Another Scenario involves a teenage girl that claims her dentist impregnanted her while she was under anesthesia, but the Cheif realizes it's a fraud story and knows that she is only trying to cover up for her boyfriend getting her pregnant and he volunteers to tell the girl's parents which she agrees to. The final scenario involves a mother and father worried about their missing baby in the supermarket. The father of the baby snaps and doesn't like the way the Cheif handles the job. However, in the end, the child is brought to the police st

While at ""Max's Delacatesan"", Nell and Max see a girl shoplifting. Nell saves her from being arrested, telling Max she is taking her home. Nell finds out she has nowhere to go since her parents left her and her grandmother had recently died. When the Chief finds this out he is ready to arrest her, but she agrees to live with Max and help him out at the store. At first, the two don't get along so well, but they accept that each other has to get by even though there are people in their life that are no longer around.

When Nell is sick at home and the Chief going off to Los Angeles for a meeting, he calls his mother to help out around the house. She shuns away Katies new boyfriend since he has pink hair, puts garlic on everyone because she doesn't want them to catch Nells sickness, and feeds the family lamb with goats intestines. Fed up by this, everyone forces Samantha to go to Grandpa and tell him to beg Grandma to return home and she falls head over heels for him.

Julie wants to meet Andy Gibb and goes to see him after Nell lets her go, despite the fact that the chief grounded her, only to be found asleep outside his hotel room. When Nell brings Julie home, the cheif sees that she has been out, knows that she disobeyed her, and plans to arrest Andy Gibb and his group. However, Julie tells him that she fell asleep waiting for him, and the chief forgives her.

Nell falls for James Roland, a former member of her weight group , who continues to go to the classes on weight loss. He is impressed by Nell's determination to lose weight, yet Nell seems to think he is in love with the aerobics instructor Vanessa. When Nell decides to binge and pig out on food, Vanessa calls James for assistance. When he shows up at the house she tells James that Nell is in love with him. He asks Nell out and she accepts. However, in the end the Cheif wants a break on his taxes and since James is in that business, he helps the Cheif out. All goes well until Nell sees his tax return form that accideentlly ends up misplaced in the Kanisky livingroom and finds out that James is married with three children yet still loves Nell. Nell throws him out and shuts the door, telling him she is still going to go to the weight group each week.

Katie becomes involved with a college professor at Glenlawn Junior College who is much older than her. Nell begins to get upset at the man, when Katie intruduces him to the family, and she gets mad at Katie as well, knowing that he is too old for her. When the Chief finds out that Katie is seeing him, he objects to it, and grounds Samantha for sticking up for Katie. In the end, Katie decides not to see the college professor anymore, to save her relationship with her family.

Katie practices her jazz routine to ""Maniac"" for a show that will be taking pace soon in Glenawn. As the family is getting ready, rehearsing for the show, a boy named Joey comes by collecting for Jerry's kids. The family falls for his act, and as he leaves, Simpson says he is a con artist. Joey Donova is his name, and his Uncle Jerry dropped him off and left him in Glenlawn, because his dad Tim is at sea. The scial worker tells the cheif that Joey will stay with the family over the weekend and will be placed in a foster home shortly. Nell then looses control of Joey, and he escapes, taking her money, and goes to the bus station. However, Nell finds him, drags him home, and doesnt know what she is going to do with him.

Joey goes on a hunger strike and says he is not going to an orphanage. Nell then lies to Joey and tells him that she made a friend of a man whose window she broke years ago when she was a child. Joey beleives her, and knows Nell is not a lier, like many adults he knows are. Nell then tells the Cheif he owes her, and she deserves to take Joey in as her foster child. The Chief objects, but Joey tells him he is right, and even himself wouldnt want him as a foster child. The Cheif's feelings change, and Joey is accepted into the family as their foster child

The Mayor of Glenlawn falls for Nell, who wants nothing to do with him. He tells her that the cheif will get his new patrol car if he gets her. At his condo, she seduces him, and he tells her she is coming onto him. She tells him that he treated her wrong, and he appologizes, and tells her he will see her at the ceremony when he donates the patrol car to the cheif.

The cheif is awarded man of the year, and Nell tries to fix him up with a woman named Melissa. What he doesn't know is that she is a man, who was once Officer Simpsons karate instructor in St. Luis. When she knows it has gone too far, Melissa confesses to Nell, who has to tell the cheif she set him up with a man, which ends in havoc.