Seasons & episodes

The first broadcast, in the form of a Comedy Playhouse pilot. The only way that Mike can take out a deposit on a new home is to take out a life insurance policy on Alf.

The Garnetts are at the pub when they encounter a group of celebrities whom, inevitably, Alf insults – Black actor/singer Kenny Lynch, Liverpool comedian Jimmy Tarbuck, and tough guy Australian actor Ray Barrett, described by Alf as 'the man with the holes in his face' due to his scarred complexion. The meeting isn't exactly the most cordial.

It's the summer of 1970 and voting day for the General Election. After casting his vote, Alf visits the pub and launches into a drunken tirade about Harold Wilson and the evils of Labour government.

It's Christmas Eve and Alf still has no present for Else. The Black man selling cheap watches seems like a lifesaver but maybe Alf should've held back on the slurs before buying. On Christmas Day, Alf propounds his view that Jesus was English, to dispute. However, a meeting in the pub with the cast of 'Jesus Christ Superstar' seems to support Alf's theory.

Else's sister Maud and her husband Ted have emigrated to Australia. However, Maud is unwell and Ted calls Else to help them out. Alf isn't keen to let her go but, for Else, the journey is two-fold – not only will she be helping her sister but she gets a much-deserved break from Alf.

Proud house owner and Tory Alf Garnett is angered by his socialist son-in-law Mike's comments about the family home being a slum. Further humiliation and arguments follow in a boozy session in the local pub.

Following yet another political spat with Mike and a subsequent nap, Alf heads off to the pub. There, he's unable to understand why all the punters are laughing at him.

It's Alf and Else's 25th wedding anniversary; however, needless to say, Alf has forgotten and it's left to Mike to give him a present to pass on to his wife, not that Alf is grateful.

Alf reluctantly accompanies Mike to see Liverpool play Borussia Dortmund in the European Champions cup. There, his racism takes its toll as he reacts to his fellow match-goers on the terraces, resulting in a visit to the doctor with two black eyes and no voice.

With no bathroom or inside toilet in his terrace house, Alf resigns himself to washing in the old tin bath in the kitchen whilst Else hangs her washing around him. This screens him from Mike, whom he overhears trying to sell the house in order to get an upmarket place in his name. The prospect of two toilets and an en suite appeals to Alf but he must take action when he realises he might be the young Scouser's lodger.

Alf is less than pleased when Mike's Irish parentsbcome to stay for the week. However a bizarre alliance forms between Alf and his son-in-law when Mike feels that his father is criticising him as well.

The Garnetts visit the West country on holiday. Alf is driving (badly) and, to make matters worse, it turns out that he does not even have a licence! Upon arrival, Alf has inevitable run-ins with the locals and a couple of aristocrats.

As the Garnetts celebrate Christmas, Alf berates Rita and Mike for only giving him 'Whiffs' as opposed to real cigars and second-rate socks whilst they have bought Else a dress and accuses his atheist son of hypocrisy. Rita is unable to recall his gift of a doll's house when she was little – though that was because Alf fell downstairs and broke it whilst drunk. When the carollers come calling, Alf is ready for then with a vase of dirty water but has to drink it when he sees the vicar heading the singers.

The sexual morals of the youth of the mid-1960s are far from acceptable to pedagogue Alf, and when Rita's virtue is brought into question by Socialist son-in-law Mike, the predictable explosion occurs.

Pipe smoker Alf reluctantly accepts a challenge given by Mike to give up smoking. Both Else and Rita are pleased, but which of the two men will crack under the strain first?

In yet another political argument, this time about the war in Vietnam, Alf declares that all protesters are Communists. However, when a lorry driver parks outside Alf's house and refuses to budge, Alf indulges in a little protest of his own.

When Mike loses his job and has to sign on the dole, Alf is suspicious because he offers to give him more money for the rent. It turns out that he has an extra £5 in his National Assistance but has to give most of it to Alf as increased rent.

Alf comes home late from work and finds his dinner burnt to a crisp in the oven. Else tells him that Mike is at the chip shop and that if he phones through to him, it will not be too late for Alf to place his own order. However, Alf is thwarted by others using the phone box.

Alf returns home full of pride, having bought a portrait photograph of the Duke of Windsor—the former King Edward VIII—he astonishes his family by telling them that his late father was a personal friend and drinking companion of the Duke, and also the Duke is an ardent supporter of Alf's beloved West Ham United.

Alf is in hospital for a short stay and he is not a model patient. Uncomfortable with a Black nurse, he defies hygiene by trying to clean his pipe out with a syringe. To worsen matters, he's visited by relatives, something he can truly do without.

Learning that the Socialist prime minister he despises, Harold Wilson, is hosting the Russian premier, Alf is appalled, seeing this as yet another example of Wilson's lean into Communism. He decides to go to Downing Street to protest and then head on to Buckingham Palace so that the Queen can see his patriotism.

Alf has a stomach bug but Else has blocked the toilet with tea leaves so he has to keep going next door. After decrying immigrants for bringing in diseases, Alf learns that he is carrying a contagious bug himself and has to go into hospital. Rita and Mike gleefully burn his copy of notorious moral guardian Mary Whitehouse's 'Clean Up TV' to prevent further contamination.

When Mike is unable to get into the phone box to place Alf's bet on a horse which ultimately wins, Alf decides it's time for the Garnetts to have their own phone. Despite Mike trying to wind him up by pretending to be the operator, Alf is proud of his new possession but becomes agitated when Else allows Min from next door to come over and use the phone, turning down the volume on the show he's trying to watch.

Believing that Alf is scared to be a blood donor, Mike bets that even if he did give blood, it would be rejected. Alf is sure that his blood will be of service to somebody of importance and then has a dream that he's at Buckingham Palace, where he has helped out the Queen by his donation.